Heart of the Situation
by Ashido Kano
Summary: A parody of the Bleach chapters The Lust - The Ash. I apoligize for my fail humor in advance


**The Heart of the Situation V2**

By Ashido Kano

**Disclaimer:** Bleach and all characters belong to Tite Kubo (This is my second fan-fic)

-This never happened it's just a parody of the bleach chapters The Lust-The Ash-

Ichigo Kurosaki lays on the ground seemingly dead; the fact that he is already dead obviously hasn't crossed his mind as all soul reapers are dead to start off. His dear damsel in distress screams out his name as though that is going to fix the extremely large hole in his chest put there by demon Uluqiorra. As she screams, obviously ignoring Ishida who also came there to rescue her, something happens to Ichigo. He begins to grow a mullet not just any mullet the 1-Up Mushroom! Revived and ready to fight an opponent he has no business fighting but given some ultra power that gives him power comparable to that of Chuck Norris he gets back into the fight!

**Ulquiorra**: I Keeled you. What is that who are you?

**Super Ichigo**: Like the cholesterol of a fat man who eats nothing but pork, I will continue to rise!

The legendary super saiyan soul reaper waves his hand and obtains his word as though it where magic. A trick he learned from watching Mind Freak on TV. Orihime turns to him with eyes full of tears.

**Orihime**:" Kurosaki Kun?"

**SSJ Ichigo**: "Man, even in Fan Fiction that's all she can say! Know what".

**Ulquiorra**: "Her voice actor quit so that's why she's only been able to say that for the last 7 seasons"

**Ichigo**: "By your Kurosaki-kuns combined I am the invincible ass pull known as Captain Shirokun!"

**Ulquiorra**: "No, you're not! Hitsugaya is!"

**Ichigo**: "That was a Captain Planet never mind ….I am the answer to all those who cry out for peace in the universe, I am the champion of justice the ally of good, a nightmare to you!"

**Ulquiorra**: "You stole that line from Goku and who the hell is Captain Planet"

**Goku/Ichigo**: "Who's-who's Captain Planet!?!?! People Tell Him!"

**Kariya**: "Earth!"

**Amagai**: "Fire!"

**Tousen**: "Wind!"

**Gin**: "Water!"

**Aizen**: "Heart!"

**Bleach Villians**: "Go Planet!"

**Muramasa**: "By your powers combined I am the new bleach villain!"

**Ulquiorra**: "WTF"

After a brief but epic struggle our hero Ichigo manages to teabag and then fire a point blank cero finishing Ulquiorra thus killing him like Byakuya killed the 7th espada who no one seems to care about not even Kubo.

**Tite Kubo**: "What I made a 7th espada?"

**Inoue**: "Kurosaki-kun?"

**SSJ3 Ichigo**: "shut up!"

**Ulquiorra**: "Im not dead yet!"

Just then Ulquiorra seemingly revived charges and attacks cutting Ichigo's mullet returning out hero back into the over powered noob of a soul reaper he once was.

**Ichigo**: "This isn't going to go well."

**Ulquiorra**: "what now?"

**Ichigo**: "I've seen 50+ chapters into the future, I've yet to see my end …again… wait do over"

**Ishida**: "Kurosaki"

**Ichigo**: "OMG this is turning into Inuyasha. "

**Orihime**: "Kurosaki-kuuuun!!"

**Ulquiorra**: "Prepare for another year long filler season bitchigo."

**Ichigo**: "oh fuck that!"

Ichigo then jumps on Ulquiorra's head turning the arrancar into dust for reasons unknown and earning 100 points, 300 gill and a magic fire ring. Victory music then plays.

**Ichigo**: "…….Woot! I win!"

**Orihime**: "Ulquiorra-san"

**Ichigo**: "fine then I'll play along …. Kagome -_-"

Below the dome of Las Noches Renji, Rukia, and the Mexican who are under the dome with their bestest friend Yammi =D

Renji: look Chad we've made it to Texas! Now get to picking me some tomatoes!

**Chad**: "I hope you lose another fight"

**Rukia**: "I'm mad that Chad got a line before me."

**Renji**: "Holy Crap Its Yami Yugi"

**Yammy**: "That Ashido guy has Yami Yugi's Voice Actor not me!"

**Ashido**: "It's all in the heat of the cards!"

**Yammy**: "Well that aside behold my release form Big O its action time!"

Yammy becomes a large caterpillar ogre golem thing with a loin cloth. Not like Mayuri's babypillar It's bigger and has a crabgaina.

**Renji**: "I can see up it's skirt!"

**Yammy**: "stop looking I smash you now!"

Before he could crush them the scene once again changes to Aizen and the top 3 espadas in Karakuda town. Where things took an equally un story moving turn as we all know anything short of a Plotkai won't move the story along.


End file.
